i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
