I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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