I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
