and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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