I could make wine with my vomit
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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