maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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