if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
