you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
