everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
