I'm drive I can fine osifer
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
