oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
