I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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