Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
the liver wants what the liver wants
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
