i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm too high and old for this...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
