I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
