He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
