can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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