he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
