Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
