i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
