i just had sex bonerless
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
