I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
