i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
