Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
