I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
