You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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