I hate your face
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
