I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
