Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
