I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
