Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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