Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
