she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The uberlube is also flammable
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
