Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
