I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
