I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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