fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
