hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
