his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
