im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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