yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
