GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All I want is dick and wine.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
