If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
