did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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