I got chris browned last night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
