That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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