Don't you send me to vm
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
