This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
