why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
