I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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