hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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