So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
